The Search Is On...

I don’t plan to write more than once a day unless it’s important…and this is.

Today I have begun the search for my spiritual heavy-hitter. I have decided that there's nothing to be afraid of here. Well, wait a minute. Let me rephrase that. I have decided on an intellectual level that there is nothing to be afraid of by educating myself about different organized religions and their respective belief systems.

I have no idea how to go about this, and truth be told, I am very afraid. Religion scares me...it always has. Organized anything creates power-mongering, and personally I would prefer to skip getting involved with any of that. Particularly when I am trying to delve into the realm of spirituality.

I have decided that I will start with a random pick from a list of the religious organizations present in my local area. I mean, if I am going to take it to the next step and actually talk with someone affiliated with the organization/religion/whatever, well, they can’t be 2-states away now, can they? Exactly.

I have decided that my first choice will be an organization that I do not recognize by name (though I should clarify that even though I recognize the name, I scarcely know what the differences are between many of them). I have to be true to myself throughout this process…I know this. I am proceeding with an open-mind and open-heart, but I already know that some things will not fly with me. Yet, I am still endeavored to listen and learn about even these areas of organized religion which at present seem, well, overwhelmingly ridiculous.

For example, because I have studied biology and the sciences, I cannot accept metaphoric stories as truth...at least on face value. I admit that I have not studied these subjects to any great academic extent, but I have gained enough knowledge to reasonably and scientifically believe in certain truths.

In addition, I realize that believing in something without tangible proof is a way of defining faith and that faith is what I am hoping to grow as I try to come to grips with my survival. I think it probably will be a valuable tool in that regard. Nevertheless, I never promoted myself as a faithful person to date. I've been very much the opposite actually. And let’s be honest—the only thing to recently change is that I have recently admitted to having real questions about God…and that I am willing to recognize that there is, perhaps, a single source that we can name as "God" (just the word makes me cringe...oh, this is going to be a rough road).

My first organization is the NSAC (National Spiritualism Association of Churches). They have a website, http://www.nsac.org/, and I am delighted to see information that I can read and use to decide if I may want to move towards their local presence.

I guess we’ll know tomorrow…