Thursday, April 22, 2010

Backtracking...Just for a Second

I've been thinking about my last post off and on...mostly on. Something about it has been nagging at me, and I needed to figure out how to get over myself before I could continue on my path. You see, I have another burning question (a concern, perhaps...I don't know) in my mind. You know the type...the questions that you fear to ask yourself...those to which you already know the answer and can only admit to yourself way down deep. Should I ask myself this question aloud, it's really placing the mirror up in front of my face to look deep within. Speaking honestly, I don't know if I can do such a thing in this forum. It leaves me so exposed.

But then again, isn't that type of introspection something I should do freely and fiercely on this journey to find peace? [big sigh]

I suppose I could argue the whereto's and whyfor's for days and still circle back to this very spot. The reality is that I need to get over myself and come out with it here in bloggerverse. [gulp] So here it is: I am unsure I was fair to myself in my last post. I need to backtrack to something I said...something on the topic of selfishness.

My issue is this: I can't seem to get past the thought that I may of been a bit hard on myself on Monday. I'm not saying that I am changing my mind about my opinions...I do feel that it is a selfish thing to look the gift of life in the face. And I mean, c'mon. I do not have it that bad. I can breathe and will walk again normally one day.

But I do suffer, sometimes terrifically, and I think to take away from that is to short myself a bit. It minimizes what I am going through, and that, I believe, is unfair. So I needed to come back and set the record straight for my own self. To show compassion to myself...something which many of us, me included, have a hard time doing even when it should be easy.

Compassion is a wonderful trait that we humans possess, and we are capable of such greatness with it. I just wonder why we fail so miserably to show ourselves the same boundless compassion we show others.

With that in mind, I forgive myself for my harshness and educate my inner self that it is OK to be upset and unhappy when I am suffering. After all, it would not be suffering if I wasn't miserable to a certain extent, right?

Moving on.

In case you're wondering about how my search for the SHH (the Spiritual Heavy Hitter...and I'm sorry...but don't you just love that acronym??), I have read a bunch on the NSAC website and will document my thoughts on that group. Obviously my opinions thus far are based on text alone, which I know may not have provided me with enough information to form a well-educated opinion. Nevertheless, we shall see where this road leads.